Imagine Words, Or Just Write Them

I was a weird little kid. Until I had a license to worry about, my purse was purely for nerdy purposes. A book. A black and white composition book. Or blue. Or green. I think I had an orange one at some point. I carried them for the longest time in this green purse that was more like a messenger bag (a friend made fun of it, said it was ugly, but I loved it).

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When I was in 10th grade, I went through a writing frenzy. I filled up two or three books back to back with stories that were part of a series. I was so excited about it then. I remember we were on our way to Gettysburg and I stayed up late in a hotel room, writing down ideas I had for those stories. I probably still have those notes somewhere.

Back then, I was bad about restarting a story because I had new ideas for what I wanted to do with these characters. It was hard for me to finish anything and leave it. When Bear and I first started dating, he was thrilled to read anything I wrote, but then I kept restarting and reworking and stopped letting him read it.

Then I got to college and started typing everything, which was fine. In 2013, I wrote a 118,000 word novel and another 40,000 word novella. The latter became available on Amazon in January of 2014. Since then, I’ve been hovering over the go button, unsure of what I wanted to do next. I freelanced for the newspaper a bit. Got a normal job. Debated over and over again what I wanted to do as a writer, with my English degree. Some of that debate made it onto the blog as solid goals.

Consider all of that scrapped.

I’ve been keeping my ear to the ground lately for local opportunities in the traditional sense. By that, I mean there are benefits involved. Nothing’s come of it yet, but it might eventually, and I’m really hoping it does. I think that’s the direction I want to move in, degree and career wise. As for my fiction, ever since I first started stringing words together to paint a picture, I’ve gone back and forth on whether I gave a damn about being published.

For now, I’m squarely in the “Don’t want to” column. There’s multiple reasons for this decision. Worrying about publishing and self-publishing and drafts and marketing and edits and covers has had an adverse effect on my writing. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to deal with it right now. I’d rather write for me, write for fun, and focus on bringing home the bacon another way. I have nothing but respect for the writers I see struggling to do all of the above and more, but it’s just not what I want to do right now.

I guess this is just a continuation of the “At the Crossroads” blog. I’ve made my decision about what direction I want to head in and I feel pretty happy and content with it. I’m excited to write just for me and not worry about what’s going to happen when I finish the first draft. I’m excited to let Bear read it again and not worry about what’s coming after that, or how some stranger will perceive how I wrote this character or that scene.

I’m excited to write again. I’m not going to worry about what comes next, or how I’m going to refine this draft, or how I’m going to market it to get people to buy. I’m just going to write.

My goals for the rest of 2015 are pretty simple. I’m going to keep posting here at least once a week, preferably on Mondays. I’m going to continue updating my writing log so I can track how much I’m doing. There’s no real reason for this, it’s just something I like having. At the end of the year, I’ll know very quickly how many words I’ve written, how many pages.

I’m also going to participate in National Novel Writing Month again this year. I’m not sure which project I’ll be working on in November, but I’m excited to tackle it! I’m also going to try the Composition Challenge again in December, which is something I came up with. Basically, I just try to write an entire story in a composition notebook (200 pages) during the month of December. It was a fail last year, but I am going to try again, darn it!

I’ve got 20 pages in my new handwritten story, give or take, and I’m not slowing down. Happy Writer Wednesday everyone. Write on!

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