I am Freak

I promised that my blog would not be taken over by wedding plans and I must keep that promise. Here’s why. After the weekend I had, I just plain need a break from it all. Besides that, it crept into my dreams and I woke up at 4am feeling restless and achy. Let’s put the mind on something else, shall we?
Writer Wednesday, Friday Reader Rambles, and even Music Monday have helped keep me blogging multiple times a week when I’d otherwise have nothing to talk about. That being said, something’s been on my mind that I’ve had a hard time putting to words in that perfect way. In a nutshell, it is the question of others judging you for how you live your life.
I’ve tried multiple times to write this blog, but the words cannot seem to work themselves out in a way that covers twenty-three years of issues in five hundred words or less, so let’s do it this way. If you’re new to my blog, this will be a good opportunity for you to get to know me.
I’m a college graduate with a seemingly useless degree in English. No, I don’t plan on teaching. Ever. I work for a small business selling flooring. I listen to rock n roll, various odds and ends I discover on YouTube, and whatever else moves me. I like video games. I like to giggle. I still stay up late and thus, get up late. I’m also Pagan, praying to Goddess and God. I make faces and act silly. I write about imaginary people doing imaginary things. I want to make writing my living, but when you’re working full time, it’s a bigger challenge to make writing part of the everyday routine.
Here’s my issue. It seems like a lot lately, I’ve been hearing talk telling me I need to grow up. I need to act my age. I need to set my goals higher and only stay at my current job a year. I’m not doing enough, I am not enough. Why can’t I be like everyone else? In the American south, the Bible Belt, I am a freak. I’m an oddball. I’m a weirdo. I’m immature and not living up to oh so many expectations.
The thing is, others’ expectations mean less than shit. What matters is what you expect of yourself. I expected to graduate in the top twenty of my high school class. I did that. I expected to get a four year degree in three and a half. I did that. I expected to make writing part of my life. I am doing that. I expected to have my own place and live with the man I love. I am doing that. The only thing left on my list is that I expect to start a family of my own. That will come in its own time. Just like a full time writing career will come in its own time. I am moving forward in my life. What others think they see from the outside looking in is not only inaccurate, but also irrelevant.
Like I said, others’ expectations mean less than shit. Set your own goals. Be true to who you want to be. Move forward in your own life. You can’t expect others to keep up with your pace. Find your bliss and follow it to the ends of the earth. People will always talk; learn to ignore them, to let their words slide off your back. Be passionate. Make this life yours because that’s exactly what it is, yours.

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